Life 101

I hate this feeling…
I hate that I feel like I have to compete with her to get your attention. I hate that at 23 years old I still get self conscious whenever she’s around. You two get along so well, and she’s beautiful, funny, smart, witty, she’s everything I’m not…
No matter what I do to try and not feel this way it creeps back slowly and then it hits me all at once. You laugh more with her, tell her what your thinking and how you feel. You talk to her about everything and here I am just left in the shadow of her…

What do you do when you push someone out of your life because you know they deserve better then the hell you are about to put them through leaving for the military but you can’t get them out of your mind, and wish you could take back every single word you said to them that broke their heart… And broke yours too….

Its my life and I can do what I want. You all are calling me crazy that I work so many hours. And “Its not my problem” “I’m not a manager” “I don’t get paid enough to deal with the crap” but honestly I could care less about what you say. Because yes I work my ass off, and I’m tired as shit, and I wish I was able to have the free time to go out and have fun but heres a few things you dont know….

-I need the money because my dad is quitting his full time job and doesnt have another one lined up.

-I am paying on my first year of student loans, a car payment and everything I want and need on my own.

There is so much more I could say about this but ill leave it at this… Yes I am 21 and working my ass off in both school and work but at this point in my life I would much rather get up at dawn to go to work than i would wake up at dawn and not remember a single thing that happened the night before from a drunken night. And while all my coworkers are standing around not giving two shits while our manager is out of town I am going to do whatever I have to because he isnt in town and this is the last thing he needs. He is married with a baby on the way and having to deal with you guys not working or not willing to come in is not something i want to put on him

So ill work, ill work my ass off look damn good doing it. And you can stand their and bitch and complain when i get a different position and you dont. 

found the perfect guy for me just at the wrong time…

illestflow:

i still go to sleep every night wondering what it would be like to have my ex next to me.

So true

As this year is coming to an end i cant help bit reflect on my life and how much its changed. I finished my First year of college and then decided to leave my family and friends and move 400 miles away where i am now learning how to be on my own. This year has not been an easy one in any aspect but im so honestly thankful for everything that has happened and everyone that i have met. Im starting to find myself in this crazy world. And understand true friendship. And family is everything. Every aspect of my life has changed but i am genuinly happy. I have my good days and my bad days. But at the end of the day im making it in the real world, full time job, paying bills and learning something about myself every day. My life if truly amazing and though i may lose sight of it occasionally i am constantly being reminded of the amazing things. I live where i am and where im going. Its going to be an amazing adventure.